
We all want change to happen right away, preferably yesterday. If you’re anything like me, you’ll come up with a list of thirty things that you want to accomplish—projects, habits, goals–and then you’ll jump right in, enthusiastically at first, confident…. And then, after a few days or weeks, you find yourself slowing down, hitting a road block, falling off your charging steed and into a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
I absolutely believe that change—big, life-altering change—is possible for anyone. It’s just that, contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t start with big. It starts with tiny. Eventually, the smallest change can lead to the biggest one. This has been a hard, hard lesson for me to learn. I want measurable change. I want action! But, unfortunately for all of us “doers,” a lot of research supports the idea that habits are only built slowly, one at a time.
Because it’s a long, arduous road, I often find myself in need of reinforcements. What about you? Here are a few game-changers I’ve found along the way: blogs and books and ideas that have inspired me, things that I’ve been lingering over for motivation.


Zen Habits: Leo at Zen Habits has about a million and one useful ideas to help you live a simpler, better life. His clear, no-nonsense advice is so addictive. I suggest reading this post about “Quashing the Self-Improvement Urge” first to get a better handle on why we all long to become better versions of ourselves, and how it’s an age-old trap.
Once you’ve realized that you don’t need to read every self-improvement book ever written, ignore his advice and check out this post about “How to Fail at Habits.” It’s a great reverse-psychology list that pinpoints the tiny steps that can help establish long-lasting habits.

The Procrastination Equation: Do you have a problem with procrastination? I’ll let you think about that for a second. Well, if you’re a member of the lucky 5% of people who don’t admit to struggling with procrastination, you can skip right over this. If you’re like the other 95% of us who do, occasionally or chronically, put things off, keep reading.
This is the first book I’ve ever read on the subject of procrastination that really made the lightbulb go off. Steel guides you through the why and how of it all: the reasons we procrastinate, the emotional and economic toll it takes, the roles impulsiveness, optimism and addiction play in delay. And finally, he shows you how to pinpoint your procrastination MO and change your behaviour. Did you know that the top three life issues we procrastinate on are: health, career, and education? And the things we procrastinate the least on? Parenting, spirituality, and leisure. Imagine that.
Seriously, I just wanted to hit myself over the head with this book when I finished. The answers are so spot-on. Of course, like everything, implementation takes time. And probably a lot of re-reading. But with subtitles like, “Commit Now to Bondage, Satiation, and Poison,” I promise you, this isn’t a boring read.

What Should I Do With My Life? This is the very best kind of self-help book: the kind that expects you to figure out what to do rather than attempting to give you all of the answers. As Bronson states on page one: obvious questions don’t have obvious answers. There are no motivational how-to’s in this book, no bullet points or exercises to complete. It’s simply a collection of interviews that Bronson conducted with fifty people who were in the midst of or had completed major career changes.
There are a lot of books that claim to help you pinpoint your perfect career path. I’ve read some of those. While they serve a purpose, I think that they mostly overlook the reality that life is about trial and error. Human beings are not perfectly aligned lists of strengths and weaknesses, pros and cons (hello, Strenghths Finder). We can consciously know something isn’t right for us and do it anyway. Conversely, we can know exactly what we want but have a million different mental or physical blocks preventing us from getting there. Maybe we’re only going to get there later, by a different road. That’s the essence of the book. You have to be ready to go where you’re going. And you have to be willing to jump off-course to get there.


“Don’t Burn Your Bridges.” Isn’t that the old saying? While it may be wise to keep most of your professional relationships intact, I think there are plenty of bridges that can do with a good torching. When we keep all of our options open: all of the past versions of ourselves, failed careers, failed relationships, soured friendships, toxic bosses, we give them partial control over our future selves. Some things have to come off of the table. You can keep the lessons you learned. But feel free to burn those old definitions of yourself. Allow yourself to try again.

There are some things that we simply can’t change. Not today. Not ever. We all know this, but it doesn’t keep us from pushing and pulling at immovable objects. There’s an enormous amount of relief to be found in acceptance. What if we could just accept some of the things we dislike about ourselves, our friends, our lives? Wouldn’t that make life a heck of a lot easier? We have this enormous desire to change things that don’t meet our expectations. What about just dropping some of those expectations altogether? It’s amazing how content you can be if what you really, truly want is contentment.

Don’t take it so seriously. Sometimes the biggest motivator for me is realizing that we’re all slogging away at the same life challenges. We all want more and better and simpler and happier. We all want to say the right things and have the prettiest houses and the cleverest ideas and the healthiest bodies and the most brilliant careers. There are some days when I feel like I have none of those things.
But I have this ceramic pig. And I can dress him in a birthday hat.
And suddenly those big, serious things I aspire to don’t seem so daunting anymore. The road to anything worthwhile is long and tough. So why not break out your fake mustache and play a little (or a lot) along the way?

Image 4, Image 5

Loving your post – thanks for sharing – need a reminder once in a while to not be so serious and that it is okay to be silly:) Have a Wonderful Day!
We all need a mustachioed pig to remind us of these things now and again. Take care! xx
Great writing, yet again! I’m checking out this action for happiness website! It looks pretty cool! I’ve been looking for some kind of self improvement project to work on. I’ll be sure to link back to your post if I mention it in my blog! :)
They have some great ideas and links. And they’ve done an amazing job with their graphic design. That’s what first caught my eye. Good luck on your project! I’d love to hear how it goes.
Po Bronson’s book sounds like one I’m ripe for. Thanks again Rian.
I hope you find something in it that speaks to you, Marsella. Take care xxx
Awesome post, Rian! This couldn’t have come at a better time as I have been feeling rather in a rut lately and am looking for a change. I’ll definitely be checking out Zen Habits and The Procrastination Equation. Lovin’ the pig-stache too!
Hi Jessica! I hope something in there helps you get un-stuck. I find myself in and out of ruts all the time and reading always helps me get out of them. I hope it works for you too! I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who likes a well placed fake mustache ;) Hope everything else is going well. Thanks for stopping by!
Ah this post is so cool! It is so good to remember that big changes start with little changes. It makes me realize how many little changes I am making when needed, and how to be happy about them :)
Hi Jennifer, I’m glad to hear that you recognize and appreciate all of those small changes. I think that’s half of the battle won right there!
Yeah! And the cool thing is..it might be half the battle, or 80% of the battle..and we never know till later on. Like the little surprise that used to come in cereal boxes back in the day :)
Man, I miss those prizes! Whatever happened to them? You’re right, I’m pretty sure taking small, consistent steps and acknowledging your effort is both the battle and the war.
I love new book ideas! I still have “Spunk and Bite” to read from a handful of others you recommended :) I, like you, have been through a rediscovery of self; one riddled with change, finding and giving form to my voice with writing and choosing love. I still don’t have the words for that love story, but when I do I’ll send you a link. When “The Procrastination Equation” speaks of many not treading water with spirituality, I can relate, however, I find speaking of such things difficult. When I did choose change (and love) I was surprised at the butterfly effect. Mine started with finally sitting down and writing the book idea unfolding in my head. Be well and I have to admit, I’m curious about your book and if you’ll blog about that process? xo
Hi Kristy, I always love hearing about other people’s journeys and what they’re learning along the way. I’m glad to hear that yours is going well and that love and writing are two big components. Good choices! :) I’ll look forward to that link one day. As far as the book goes, I don’t know whether or not I’ll write about that process. It’s kind of a personal journey for me right now. I’m usually best at writing from a distance, once I’ve had some time to reflect on something. And my ideas for it have changed quite a bit since I first started it a year ago. We’ll see! I hope your book writing is going well. Best of luck as you churn out those pages!
Thank you and good luck to you as well, churning out pages can be arduous and yet very rewarding; changing one’s life sustaining. When you chose love, do you feel it was literally the love you share with your husband or the love to be yourself, in finding your way to this current version of you (which, by-the-way, I adore). I enjoy your blog, I click in on my blackberry during meetings and my eyes instantly ignite (shhh, our little secret). Thank your for being here, for sharing what you are comfortable sharing and one day when your book is ready for purchase, send me the link :)
xx Kristy
*pretend we’re in France and those are the cheek kisses, I adore the French and believe we have that in common* Be well!
Thanks for the recommendations, Rian. I’ve read “The creative habit” after reading about it here and really enjoyed it. So I’m definitely going to check all the rest, love this kind of reads ;-)
Hi Cécile, I’m glad you enjoyed “The Creative Habit.” That book is a huge motivator for me. I hope you enjoy these as well. If you ever have any suggestions, I’d love to hear them. I’m always looking for a good book recommendation. Take care!
I might steal your idea once again for a post and share my own recommendations :-) I just feel like my list of inspiring books consists mostly of quite famous ones like Eat Pray Love or The Power of Now but we never know!
Did someone say break out the fake mustache?! DONE! LOL Another superb post that struck many chords!
I need to get my paws on that “What Should I Do With My Life?” book – that is right up my alley. I just started reading a book called “Maybe Baby,” which is a collection of writer’s essays on how they decided whether or not to have kids.
I really love that “may the bridges I burn light the way” quote. Someone else put on their blog this week a quote about needing to close the last chapter so you can start the next that moved me in a similar way. I think I use the excuse of writing memoir-style things to allow me to dwell on the past. I’m thinking of ditching the old draft memoir that I’ve had kicking around for 4 years and starting fresh. The old one isn’t doing me any favors – might be time to burn that bridge!
I’m off to read the posts about making tiny changes to create lasting ones – isn’t THAT the truth! Thanks so much for all of the great resources! :)
Sheesh, I just saw that I originally posted this as a reply to my post, no a reply to you. So, in case you didn’t see it, I’m reposting it. It’s old news now. But, hey ;) …………..I just clicked over and saw that I missed your mustache giveaway deadline! Horrors! I love fake mustaches! I even have a family photo wall of my mom, dad, brother, grandmother, and husband all wearing fake mustaches. It makes my day every time I walk in my door and see my lovely grandmother wearing a big black mustache :)
I will definitely check out that book. It sounds right up my alley! Funnily enough, I have a draft post titled “Maybe Baby.” Guess it wasn’t as original as I thought!
I love memoir style writing. I don’t look at it as dwelling on the past so much as seeing your life through the eyes of your current self. When I look at memoir that I wrote years ago and memoir that I’ve written recently, I can see that I am such a different person now–the way I view and define past events has evolved considerably. Maybe it’s time for you to revisit those stories as the current Jules. Or maybe you can write more about your life today. Whichever you choose, I’d pay to read it! Sign me up, put me down for 10 copies! I look forward to your post tomorrow. More mustaches! :)
I’m SO glad you did repost this comment, Rian, because I missed it, and missing out on hearing about these mustaches would be more than my heart could handle.
AND I would have missed hearing you have two (or maybe more) memoirs! Now that is exciting news. Talk about signing me up for 10 copies!! That was the feedback I got from my bestie (the only one who read my draft memoir) – that she really liked when I ‘reflected.’ I tried so hard to stay in the moment, that I think I did miss some opportunities to do more of that.
I’ve read a couple of the “Maybe Baby” essays so far. About what I expected from the people who chose not to have kids; am curious to read about the other side! I just have to tear myself away from Fifty Shades of Spanking. LOL!!
I have been doing weightlifting for about…JEEZ! 18 months now. Anyway, I am realistic and I have a good understanding of growth. However, after I have one of those really good workouts, I run to the closest mirror, and inspect, hoping that this time I will look and see those giant muscles…I’m still waiting LOL! Actually, getting in shape is one of the best illustrations of starting small to reach a goal. That’s also why so many people quit early. More or less, it has taken about 8 years for me to reach my level of cardio condition; if I said that to someone just starting, most would run for the hills. Much of it is psychological. Overtime, I have become better able to push myself, each year, I go a little bit farther, running in the mud, the heat, the humidity, the sand, the wind, the rain. Getting in shape really does take a certain love of pain and misery haha!
That’s awesome! See, you’re way ahead of the game–health and exercise are the #1 thing people procrastinate on. I also get excited about the teeny tiny muscles I’ve developed from training. They are a small sign of progress. I think it’s amazing that you’ve been running consistently for eight years. Beyond the physical gains, there’s a whole lot of mental stamina going on there. :)
Ah, running or 8 years! If only I could manage 8 days!
It’s motivational to read your posts – this one especially. I am definitely one of those people who wants to achieve something NOW. I want to KNOW what I’ve achieved and keep achieving MORE. Sadly, it’s really hard to get rid of the books you’ve mentioned here in Pakistan, but I’m going to read the posts you’ve linked and some other posts on the topic.
Thanks for sharing, Riann.
Also, kind of a side note, I love the way you write. Whereas I feel like a lot of thinking goes into my writing and this is reflected in a way that almost seems to “weigh it down”, yours seems to come across as breezy and fluent. I’ve noticed that while reading several posts and I just wanted to applaud you on it!
This is great, always. I love the part abot burning bridges!!! Where are the matches? ;-)
Oh yes, I totally agree. Big change is possible. It just starts with small seeds. And relapses are totally ok. And sometimes, you realise a bit down the track that you have changed and now you don’t need your life to.
And maybe, sometimes, you remember that you are in fact, just perfect as you are, even with all your imperfections!
Great post xx
Beautiful post, Rian. I’m so glad to have found you through BYW2. I have truly enjoyed reading your blog…so inspired by it :)
Warm wishes from sunny Netherlands!
Rhythma
I want your pig…
I recently interviewed and wrote about a guy who works at Google and who created a class there in mindfulness. His book is called Search Inside Yourself and, of all the self-help books I’ve read, it’s one of the few that has seriously changed how I think. He is smart, funny and helpful.
One of his many wise points is that emails are emotionally opaque and yet we often read the most negative interpretation from from, then cling to it, then react to that…when we don’t even know the story! I highly recommend the book.
Have a great day!. I feel like Im always looking for interesting things to read about a variety of niches, but I manage to include your blog among my reads every day because you have honest entries that I look forward to. Heres hoping theres a lot more great material coming!